In the middle of it

Life before I started

When I decided to seek alternative treatment options for my mental health, I was/am in the most difficult time of my life. Before starting treatments, I had experienced 12 months of unexpected trauma (Leading an intervention for a loved one, Loved one passing away unexpectedly and long-term relationship ending unexpectedly). Prior to this time, I felt on edge a lot and like I was chasing a goal that always kept moving.

What I was experiencing

I was in a constant state of fight or flight. This included anxiety & panic attacks, fears of losing control, looping thoughts trying to find answers and closure about the traumatic events that took place. My body was screaming at me to slow down. Having done years of talk therapy, I knew that I needed to approach this stage of my life in a different way.

What I was hoping for

I was hoping to get a better understanding of my traumatic experience. In addition, develop a new relationship with the way in which I thought about and responded to how I was feeling. Ultimately try to find peace and ease in day to day life

The turning point

The 12 months of unexpected traumatic events

What still felt like it was missing

The ability to stop the looping thoughts and my relationship to the unexpected changes in my life. Also how the traumatic events were impacting my body, I wanted to process the grief and chose/am choosing to attack it head-on.

What shaped my perception

My experience with psychedelics was only from social experiences with friends

How my perception changed

Yes, doing alternative treatment with intention allows you to access parts of yourself that I otherwise couldn't access

What I explored

Psychedelics, Ketamine and MDMA therapy. I was on antidepressants, they impact the same neural pathways in the brain as psychedelics & MDMA, impacting the benefits of those treatments, that's why I opted for Ketamine. Since i've also tapered off my medication, I am not exploring other treatment options.

The practices that mattered most

Journaling and counseling. Uncovering what the symptoms are trying to tell me, identifying the fears that are at the root of the symptoms

Where I went and who I worked with

N/a

What happened

It was intense at times and eye-opening, I felt my loved one that I lost with me. I was able to uncover a new perspective on the ending of my long-term relationship.

What surprised me most

How common it is, I was fairly unaware of the alternative treatment options

Changes in how I feel

At times, I am able to recognize the anxiety quicker and utilize the tools i've learned to let it move through my body. Since I sought out alternative treatment for trauma, I found that it has rapidly accelerated the processing of the grief for me

Changes in my relationships

Less irritability with family.

Changes in my habits

Looping thoughts and realizing that the traumatic events were completely out of my control and had nothing to do with who I am.

The hardest part

The processing of the trauma, it's not fun it feels endless at times, then there's moments where you find ease.

The most meaningful part

The processing, I firmly believe that after treatment, I could feel the emotions moving through my body, it was less in my head and I could really process the traumatic events. It's felt hard but necessary and productive

What didn't help

Not integrating the experience into everyday life and not journaling about the experience. As awesome as it would be to flip a switch, it's not how it works

What I'm still working through

The grief and determining what I want life to look like now after experiencing a lot of unexpected events in the last 12 months that fundamentally changed my life.

What I learned about myself

Nothing new, more so allowed me to remind myself who I am.

The biggest change I've noticed

Ability to separate myself from the grief and process in a healthy way

Where I am now

I am putting my left foot in front of my right foot, taking it step by step. There are more hard times than good times; however I feel i'm becoming the truest form of myself despite the hurdles.

What I'd tell someone starting out

When faced with the hardest losses life throws at you, the best thing I feel I did was to face it head on, there's a underlying source of the despair and alternative treatment allows you to identify and start facing it and processing it

Then versus now

I was stuck in a state of fight or flight, I can now recognize it and work through it in real-time before it results in panic and anxiety attacks.